In the spirit of being completely transparent here, starting this blog is frightening to me. I mean, what an audacity to think that at 100 lbs overweight I can share knowledge about releasing weight. Fear and my insecurities whisper to me that I would need to be skinny or, heck, at least have lost 20lbs or so to start a blog about weight loss. A lot of us have had similar sentiments. I can’t wear that until I’ve lost a few more pounds, or I won’t really be happy and enjoy life until I’m thin, or I can’t write a blog about weight loss until I have first achieved weight loss. Well allow me to translate all of that: I am not yet “acceptable”, “worthy to live life to the fullest”, “smart”, or “knowledgeable” in my current body. I have not arrived yet. I have not reached the promise land of thinness.
NEWS ALERT! There is no reaching the promised land, that wonderful place of abundance, joy, love, and peace. All of that has already been given. I just need to believe it’s been given. As long as I fear that it’s not mine, I CANNOT enter only because I WILL NOT enter.
All we have is now, in this moment, in this body, and I’m going to have to choose to believe what God says about me. The real me. Not the “me” that would hide my light under a bushel because I’m scared someone would see it and then look up and say, “Wait a minute….you’re FAT!!!” I’m going to have to stop feeling then filling the void. Instead, I must choose to accept the grace that God has for me. The grace that’s been there all along. The grace that my body has for me. I have criticized, poked fun at, and straight up abused my body and it has done nothing but respond in grace by continuing to do everything it needs to do to keep me alive. I must accept that that grace is sufficient for me. Accept the Truth.
For a few months I’ve been trying to make this blog perfect before publishing it for all to see. For years I’ve been trying to make my body perfect before allowing myself to truly absorb the freedom of being me. I can’t wait to be perfect to start. I will be perfected as I “press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 3:12-16)
I trust that as I am persuaded of His Goodness, my body will become whatever it will be. I’m thankful for what it is today. I’m thankful for the grace my body operates in to keep me here and I’m thankful for the grace my Savior operates from to give me life and life more abundantly HERE and NOW.
Dear God, I’m Publishing.