So in my last post, I mentioned how I have stopped dieting. Well, I know now that that’s not completely accurate. It is true in theory that the end of the dieting is the beginning of freedom, but in reality there’s something else behind it: the diet mentality.
What is the diet mentality? Essentially, it is the mindset of depravity.
I have learned so much about eating to hunger, intuitive eating, mindful eating, loving and accepting my body. All those beautiful ideologies vibrate with truth and quite frankly, I thought they were a way off the crazy train.
So I was no longer counting calories, but then I would keep up how many times I stopped eating when I was full. I wasn’t weighing anymore, but I would revel in “feeling lighter” on certain days. I wasn’t obsessed with exercising but I would grade myself on how “good” I had been at being mindful and aware while eating.
I would lay in bed some nights measuring the “good” until one night I remember sensing that something just wasn’t right… I mean, mindful eating is wonderful! Intuitive eating is freedom! Not being obsessed with calories and working-out is the way to live! Right???
For me in that moment, it was wrong because I had essentially replaced one set of rules with another. I can’t use the same “key” that got me in all of this mess to get me out. It was like I had picked the “Get Out Of Jail Free” card and then went immediately and grabbed the “Go Directly to Jail, Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200” Card.
The hope held in keeping each set of rules was the same: becoming acceptable through weight-loss. Dang it! This whole time I’ve still been on a diet!!!
It really speaks to how difficult it is to change one’s own mind.
I think of being persuaded. I think of repentance.
Dear God, help me to not only know Your Truth in my mind,
but to believe Your Truth in my heart.